People ask me “how do you do it?”. Its the same question I ask when I see women living my nightmare. I look at these ladies who have lost their children and husbands and parents and I ask “how do they do it?’
There were two tragedies in life that I was always convinced I would never survive, and yet I see people surviving them everyday. Then it occurred to me, the life I am living is a nightmare, one I never thought I would live, and one that others are convinced they would never survive. My nightmare? My only son, my youngest child, was violently taken from me by his father with the help of people who I never would have guessed in a millions years could turn against me and go to court against me. They lied about me, and helped my ex husband take my boy away from me. After 14 years of being with my child every day of his life, he is now gone. I only see him once in awhile. He lives with his father and step mother. Another woman is the mother of my child. She cooks for him, makes his lunch, comforts him when he is sad. I have been all but completely cut out of my sons life. Just the thought of my son being so far away from me is killing me. I ask myself “how do I do it”? How do I get out of bed every day? Put my feet on the floor? Get dressed? Move thru my day and go to work? How am I doing this? How am I surviving living my nightmare?
Truth is,
I’M NOT!
Everything in me wants to lay down and cover my head until the pain and torture is all gone.
But Love wont let me.
Love lifts me to my feet every day. Love whispers to my heart and takes my hand. Love opens my eyes so I can see colors again. Love gives me hope. And every day, like a parent tending to their sick and broken child, Love lifts me up by it’s own gentle aching heart and empties its self of strength so that I , Loves sick and broken child, may take one more step, one more breath, and endure one more day.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is Love. 1Corinthianans 13:13